Background:The majority of new mothers in Sweden initiate breastfeeding and many experience initial difficulties. This experience is an important cause of early breastfeeding cessation. To increase understanding, there is a need to explore the lived experiences of the decision to continue or cease breastfeeding. The aim of this study is therefore to explain and understand how this decision is influenced by the meaning of severe initial difficulties.

Methods: A lifeworld hermeneutical approach was used for the study. The study was conducted in Sweden with eight mothers who experienced severe difficulties with initial breastfeeding. All except one were interviewed on two different occasions resulting in fifteen interviews. The interviews were conducted between 2010 and 2013.

Results: Mothers who experience severe difficulties with initial breastfeeding feel both overtaken and violated not only by their own infants and their own bodies but also by their anger, expectations, loneliness and care from health professionals. These feelings of being overtaken and invaded provoke an existential crisis and place mothers at a turning point in which these feelings are compared and put in relation to one another in the negotiation of the decision to continue or cease breastfeeding. This decision thus depends on the possibility of feeling secure with the breastfeeding relationship. If insecurity dominates, this can, in severe cases, create a feeling of fear of breastfeeding that is so great that there is no alternative but to stop breastfeeding.

Conclusions: Existential security in the breastfeeding relationship seems to be an underlying factor for confidence and therefore a necessary condition for continued breastfeeding when having severe initial breastfeeding difficulties. Unresolved feelings of insecurity may be a serious barrier to further breastfeeding that can result in a fear of breastfeeding. Such fear can force the mother to cease breastfeeding. This study highlights how women are situated in a complex cultural and biological context of breastfeeding that has existential consequences for them. An existential crisis forces mothers into a turning point for the breastfeeding decision. In the existential crisis, mothers’ responsibility for the mother-infant relationship guides continuing or ceasing breastfeeding.

A majority of women in Sweden initiate breastfeeding but almost a quarter stop or wean the infant in the first few weeks after birth because of difficulties. In order to develop care that facilitates initiation of breastfeeding and enables mothers to realize their expectations concerning breastfeeding, it is necessary to understand what having severe breastfeeding difficulties means for women who experience them. The aim of this study is to describe the lived experiences of initiating breastfeeding under severe difficulties. A reflective lifeworld research design was used. Eight women, seven primiparous and one multipara, were interviewed within 2 months of giving birth. The essential meaning of the phenomenon is described as "Existential lostness as a mother forcing oneself into a constant fight". This pattern is further explicated through its constituents; shattered expectations, a lost time for closeness, being of no use to the infant, being forced to expose oneself, and gaining strength through sharing. The results show that mothers with severe breastfeeding difficulties feel alone and exposed because of their suffering and are lost in motherhood. Thus, adequate care for mothers should enhance the forming of a caring relationship through sharing rather than exposing.

For most Swedish women, breastfeeding is an essential part of the childbearing period. Yet, the meaning of breastfeeding from women's perspective is scantily explored. Therefore, the aim of this study is to describe women's lived experiences of initiating breastfeeding within the context of early home discharge. Eight women, two primiparous, and six multiparous were interviewed within 2 months after birth. A reflective lifeworld research design based on phenomenological philosophy was used during the data gathering and data analysis. The results show that the phenomenon, initiating breastfeeding, in spite of good conditions, i.e., early home discharge, is complex and entails an existential challenge. The essential meaning of the phenomenon is conceptualized as, “A movement from a bodily performance to an embodied relation with the infant and oneself as a mother.” This pattern is further described in its five constituents: “Fascination in the first encounter,” “Balancing the unknown,” “Devoting oneself and enduring the situation,” “Seeking confirmation in the unique,” and “Having the entire responsibility.” Caring for women initiating breastfeeding entails, from a caring science perspective, to help the mother meet insecurity and strengthen confidence to trust her ability to breastfeed the newborn infant. According to these findings, it is suggested in the discussion that it is time for health care professionals to reject the idea of breastfeeding merely as meals or eating for the infant. Instead, they ought to embrace its origin, namely as a way to closeness between mother and infant.